This weekend both my parents are staying with me in SC. Being that it is the long weekend and I feel pretty confident that I can get my work done on time, I decided at some point I was going to go out. Fast forward to Saturday night. My friend Kelsey and I got together and were milling about, trying to decide what to do that night. I personally was up for anything as long as it didn't involve a crowd. I was not in the mood to deal with people and it was cold as a well-digger's ass so going outside to escape people wasn't really an option. Kelsey suggested we go to this little whole in the wall near his place called "The Rail".
The Rail is about the size of my closet but it is a friendly place and there is always a fire going in the hearth (literally!). So we go and as Kelsey and I are starting our first round this guy walks up and starts talking to Kelsey. Apparently the have had class together and the fella that came by was talking about his companion that he was with. Apparently his friend, Chris, was in a foul mood over a girl. LIKE I HAVE NEVER HEARD THAT BEFORE. So Kelsey goes over to say hi to Chris because they are in classes together too. I decided to keep my ass on the stool and enjoy my drink. 10 minutes later Kelsey comes back and says these guys are gonna bar hop, do I want to go. I pound my jack and say "Lay on McDuff!"
So it begins! Chris was apparently going to a bar called "Venus" to meet up with the girl who is plucking his strings. A short walk from the Rail is Venus De Milo, a bar on MLK Blvd which I have never noticed before. It looks kind hip and trendy and of course I am in ripped jeans and a t-shirt but that hasn't stopped me in the past.
We go in and Chris sets out to find the girl while Kelsey and I head to the bar. Yet suddenly my Spider-sense begins and tingling and I look around. There seemed to be a lot of guys in the bar, which isn't unusual but they were all dressed unusually trendy for the south and had well kept hair. As I took in more of the sites I started to feel like I was on an episode of Queer Eye and then it hit me. We had been led into a gay bar!
There was no rainbow flag on the door and truth be told I could have given a shit less. It was warm, they had booze, and comfortible stools. So I sit down at the bar with a smirk on my face because I know that at this point in time I am the ONLY one of my group that knows we are in a gay bar. This girl that Chris was after was clearly a game player. Looking around more you notice immediatly the "Will and Grace" syndrome is everywhere. By that I mean, you have all these straight women hanging out with their "gays" having a great old time. I dont' mind gay people at all but I do mind women who exclusively hang out with gay men. To me it is sort of degrading to both the straight and the gay guys in the world. It is like people who only like one breed of dog because they are in style (a la Paris Hilton and her rat) and the rest of the dog community can go to hell! Let's see your hairless rat protect you from an intruder or one of your "gays" do manual labor (and by manual labor I mean actually trying to get you horizontal). Somethings just don't work!
So anyway, Kelsey and I are chatting at the bar and I finally can't hold it in anymore and I tell him "You know we are in a gay bar?" and Kelsey looks at me like I have six heads and starts to look around. Then suddenly you see the realization come to his face and he replys "Hey! Oh! oh God..." As usual his reaction is priceless!
So whatever we are in a gay bar, that is the least we can do for Chris who is trying to win this girl over. As it turns out she shows her true colors (openly flirting with Kelsey to "make Chris jealous" those are her words, asking Kelsey for money to buy "blow" to which I had to explain to Kelsey is cocaine. etc etc). But regardless of the demon bitch we stay and drink some more. At this point Chris is buying us booze, which smoothes things over even more. Kelsey and I are chatting and these two very attractive girls come over and sit down next to Kelsey at the bar. Kelsey being the friendly midwesterner and drunk fool that he is says "Hello" and then turns back to talk to me. No sooner does he turn around then these two divas start sucking face and licking each other's tonsils. Now I am not your typical male in that I "dig" lesbians. I don't go out of my way to watch girl on girl porn or anything like that because I am a realist. Lesbians like women and there isn't going to be some cosmic shift in the universe where they up and decide they want to throw a penis (and I mean a real one, not some toy) in the mix. But I have to admit that watching these two kiss wasn't just funny and sort of like "what!?" but it was damn HOT. I think it was more the emotion behind the kissing but anyway I digress...
I tell Kelsey to look behind him and he does and out comes another "Oh! HEY!" but the joke gets funnier from there. Being the decent chap that I am after initially recovering from the girl on girl action I look the other way to give them some privacy. As I am focusing my attention elsewhere (the rather attractive bartenderess, Anna, who I hope to meet again!) they two lip locked lesbians turn to Kelsey and ask "Are you two a couple?" Meaning Kelsey and I. To which Kelsey replies with a laugh of shock, "No...umm..no." Kelsey reports this news to me and I couldn't hold it in any longer, the most God awful cackle of laughter came out of my mouth for all the world to hear and didn't stop for what seemed 5 minutes. I haven't laughed that hard in a while and it was only when I stopped I told Kelsey he should have said yes to see what would have happened.
The night ended as most do in Savannah, bartender's screaming last call and lights flickering on. Kelsey and I left Chris to find his way with the demon in heels. All in all it was a very interesting night and certainly one I will remember for a while...
Now back to homework!
M.
